I want a Divorce! Who wants to join me?

I received this in an e-mail. I don't know where it originated or who wrote it, but variations of it are posted on numerous websites. ...AAR


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We believe in the Constitution which does not allow or permit judges and courts to make our laws, so you are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.)

You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them security.

We'll practice trickle-down economics, and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can give everyone "free" healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. You should know, however, that ultimately, nothing is free, so you are responsible for figuring out how you are going to pay for it. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station Wagon you can find.

We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic", "The National Anthem", and "In God We Trust." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya", or "We Are the World."

Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student, American

P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand.

P.P.S. We will keep all oil rigs offshore, all oil refineries, all big oil companies, all the coal, and the exploration teams. You can keep your windmills and solar panels.

P.P.S. And just to make it absolutely clear, Obama goes with you!